Rantings of an Underperforming Bioengineer

30th May 2008 was a day of dread and hopeful anticipation for NUS students as it marked the release of results. To me, the release of results had traditionally been my pinnacle of distress colluded with cruel curiosity.

In my first semester as a freshman, I received my results in the form of an sms delivered to my handphone. I can recall vividly how I was taking an afternoon snooze, only to be awakened by this "random sms". It took me a while to digest the contents, before realizing that it was my results.

This semester, the day of destructive joy or joyful destruction fell on a Friday, the day I was slogging off in IBN. It was a kind of cheap thrill, but I logged in promptly around noon on the confocal-microscope-connected-computer in the cell culture room.

And indeed, I managed to chalk up more than just a first in checking my results in a new location. If I had to surmise my emotions in two words, it would be "Disturbingly Painful".

Nonetheless, I thought I took the faux calamity in stride. Still, it really got me thinking about the point of my university education. After all, I would be in my final Honours year as a Bioengineering undergraduate in NUS after my 3 month internship in IBN.

A preoccupation with grades

Grades in the form of CAP (in NUS) or GPA (in NTU) is easiest, most convenient and realistic way of segregating the academic prowess of each individual student. Yet whether it's fair and holistic would be contentious.

As an under performing student in NUS, I would vehemently protest against the ritualistic use of CAP as a sole criteria for various programmes such as scholarships and overseas exchange opportunities. However, any other alternative methodology I can think of would probably paralyze the inefficient administrative staff.

So unfortunately, students have been noxiously shelved in a caste-like system:
First-Class, Second-Upper, Second-Lower and God forbid... Third-Class.

With my languishing CAP, I have often asked myself unhelpful questions like:
1. Should I have studied harder?
2. Maybe I shouldn't have gone out on weekends during the semester.
3. Have I been studying stupid (as opposed to studying smart)?
4. Would I have excelled if I chose NTU instead of NUS? (Apologies for being politically incorrect but that is what my narrow-minded brain loves to explore groundless speculations.)

Of course, as soon as I ask myself these questions, my schizophrenic other-half would toss up a counter-argument and rationalizes that I had put in all the effort that I can.

An Epiphany (Okay, maybe epiphany is a bit of a stretch.)

But I've come to conclude that:

Hard work is not a definite guarantee for good results.

I performed worst on the semester when I burnt almost all my Saturdays in NUS doing tutorials and revising my work. The modules which gave me the worst results were also the ones which I invested the most time and effort. On the other hand, my aces came from modules which I hardly tore my head over.

Diligence is a key to success, but it is not the only key.

As such, I can no longer allow the illusive goal of better results to be the key motivation in my last year of study. While I will probably not curtail my inane senseless habit of staying back late at night in NUS to do work, or my religious completion of tutorials, I officially refuse to be led by the endless array of stress.

So what now?

I am a bioengineering undergraduate who can write better than I solve equations; play the piano better than I can tap the calculator; prefer perusing political books to scientific journals.

In a couple of months, I would be the lao-cheow (old bird) in the undergraduate community. As the decision between an academic route and a non-academic one becomes more pressing, I can only pray for light at the end of the tunnel.